she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
