Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
