when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
