I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
