we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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