The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
