My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize