so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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