he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
