this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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