Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
