how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just googled if crying burns calories
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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