i jhust puked up my retainher.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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