apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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