I wish my penis had an off switch
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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