I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The uberlube is also flammable
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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