True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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