I'm jealous of your bromance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
