I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
