It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
