Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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