I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
