i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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