You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
