She said her name was "party"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
