nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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