I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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