pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
