escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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