He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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