i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
