WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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