trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
