I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
