Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
