I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
