I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
