"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think my vagina is haunted
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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