I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
