Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how can u be prego again
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
