this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
