Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
