it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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