Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
