i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
