I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
