I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
