hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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