My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize