WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
