I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
