i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
