I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
