Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
