I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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