Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
