..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
