dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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