I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
